“Strong Hearts Wait.”

Strong Hearts Wait by Modern March guest author Rachel Allish Zamora

I’ve found myself angry. I don’t know, I guess somewhere along the way all the frustration and unmet expectations finally rose up inside me. For those of you who know me well, I write quite a bit so this might be long…

Throughout life I’ve tried to stay optimistic. I try talking it out, praying about it, writing it out, remembering that His plans are bigger than mine. Recently I’ve just felt so helpless, so frustrated, as if everything goes wrong. Like I’m about to take the next step; foot in mid air, the next stepping stone in sight. Then suddenly the once seemingly steady stone is moved and I’m stuck; in mid air, aggravated and waiting, almost worse off than before because now I only have one foot on the previous step instead of two, and my hopes have been deferred.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.

So, I wonder, if the Bible clearly states this to have a heart-sickening effect, is there any way to avoid a “deferred hope”? Could it be that I am trusting in the actual circumstances or situations instead of the One who controls them?

Has every deferred hope actually been a vain longing which I conveniently dubbed “Your will”? Or did I just screw up too badly to receive what I ignorantly thought was a part of “Your promise”?

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU. Okay, so where does this leave me? Have His plans simply changed? Or were they never His to begin with? Is it possible that I took the step too soon, or that I just wasn’t ready? So will the plans permanently change? Or will they return in due time? Is it the right season? Should I take a few steps back? Is He using these circumstances to draw me closer to him? Has He been trying to get my attention with the solution, but I’m too stuck on the problem to budge?

Psalm 119:116
Lord, sustain me as you promised, that I may live! Do not let my hope be crushed.

If there ever was a time to “take a step of faith” I thought it was now. So there, Lord, I took a few steps in a few different directions. And I didn’t find any solid ground. It’s right HERE that I ask myself; what the heck is up with that? I feel like the donkey who ignorantly chased the carrot on the end of a string. Not knowing it was only a con to keep him moving, and He would never be able to get it; no matter how long, fast, or far he went.

The adults that I’ve talked to about this have counseled me and given me advice but then again they also laughed and said “welcome to life kiddo”. Is this really a part of the walk? I know I will never reach a point where I’m perfect, but seriously, what about my heart? Will it ever be completely healed? I’ve thought it was on several occasions, then another heart-wrenching event or reminder occurred which pretty much killed my previously “perfectly content heart.”

The Bible guarantees that it will be hard, and we will have struggles, But He will never leave us, and He will remain in control…Thank God!

Proverbs 23:17-18
Don’t envy sinners, but always continue to fear the Lord. You will be rewarded for this; your hope will not be disappointed.

I will continue to put my hope and faith in the Lord, He has proven to be the only constant thing in my life. He will heal me if I let him. And when I fall down then fall even further eight more times, He’s still there. I can rest assured with the fact that He would forgive me seventy times seven-DAILY. If it came to it. And He is faithful to exceed four-hundred and ninety times if need be. He doesn’t yell or pick me up upside down, or send lightning to strike me dead.

Psalm 119:116
Lord, sustain me as you promised, that I may live! Do not let my hope be crushed.

He sustains me, He knows what I want and need, and the difference between the two. I am so thankful He moves people and circumstances according to His perfect timing and not mine. I trust that His plans are set in stone. As long as I keep my eyes on Him, His desires will become mine and will materialize at their appointed time. He is more than enough for me.

Psalm 27:14:
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

^That verse has been brought to memory quite a bit this month. I’ve felt so distant. After reevaluating things that have happened the last couple months, I realize why. I let things get in the way, I got off track. I wasn’t whole-heartedly running after Him. I got tired and bored of waiting. I was so busy, and before I knew it, I was falling.

He is faithful, and I feel at peace now, But I am still in this season where I feel its necessary to wait. Like I’m in a staring contest with God, seeing who will give in and blink first. Except its a waiting contest…Weird I know. But the Bible does say that in order to find Him, you must first seek Him…which implies He isn’t quite all that easy to find at times…

But I want His perfect will and guidance, and I am willing to wait for it. I’ve tried aimlessly wandering around and finding my own way… which only led to a lot of brokenness and hurt.

So here I am. I’ll wait, God. I will whole heartedly seek and trust You as Lord of my life. And I won’t get distracted this time; it’s not worth it.